Wednesday, October 20, 2004

It Might be Spotty...But I Like It That Way

The topic of memory has made frequent appearances in my life recently. First, Jeff and I rented and watched the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, which for those of you who don’t know is a film about a man’s attempt to erase a failed relationship from his mind using a scientific process that pinpoints the location of the memory in your brain and then deletes it. Then I went to a lecture yesterday here at the Holocaust Museum titled “The Ethics of Memory: “The Passion of the Christ” as a Case Study,” which addressed the problems with memory in relation to historical accuracy and the way we take upon memories of events that we were not first-hand witnesses of. And finally, I read an article last night in the Washington Post on a new pill that is being tested, which, if given to a person after a traumatic event, is supposed to remove the memory of that event. The preliminary research on that drug is actually going to be presented at the neuroscience conference in San Diego that Jeff is attending this coming weekend.

Memory is a particularly interesting topic to me. Without memory, so many things would lack meaning. First of all, who would we be if we had no memory of anything that had happened to us in the past? Almost every decision we make is based on the memory of another decision, action, or event. Without this memory, we would be a new person every day, and we would have to re-learn everything each day. We wouldn’t know what snow was. We wouldn’t know to look both ways before crossing the street. We wouldn’t be able to drive, to have relationships, to decide what it is we like to eat. Alzheimer’s gives us a small glimpse into what life without memory is like. For many people, Alzheimer’s is the scariest thing they can imagine happening to them. So why, I must ask, are people interested in drugs that can eliminate our memories?

Secondly, history would have no meaning without memory. It has been said that if no one remembers, it didn’t happen. Perhaps this is extreme, but it is, in many ways, true. History, as we know it, is only what we have taken the time and effort to remember and to record in some way so that others can “remember” it. Here at the Holocaust Museum, the exortation “Remember” is frequently heard. It is only by remembering that we have any chance of preventing the repetition of such an event. It is only be remembering that the event will still be real, will still have happened, after all those who lived through it are gone. Our world is ephemeral and things that are not remembered disappear. In the Jewish faith, the tradition of memory is one of the most important tenets of the faith. Every holy day is about remembering, and Jewish faith says that as long as one is remembered, one does not die. It’s a way of thinking that I like very much.

Yes, the world as we know it could not exist without memory, both individual and collective. Individual memory makes us each into people who bring unique and interesting ways of living to the world. Collective memory ties us together as people, as nations, as families. It is the root of all that we are and all that we believe. Certainly there are false memories. Certainly there are gaps in memory. And certainly there are memories many of us wish he didn’t have. But would you really want to play with your memories or let someone else? There are too many unknown side-effects, too many things that we may unintentionally lose in the process. We are who we are, not just because of the good things we remember, but also because of the bad things that we remember. We are studies in contrast. We know joy because we know sorrow. We know love because we know hate. We know gain because we know loss. Without one, it may very well be impossible to have the other. To lose the bad, might mean to lose the good. So I’ll take them both. I like my memories just the way they are.

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