Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Sunday Wedding Announcements: The South Lives On

Sometimes, for shits and giggles, I read the wedding announcements in our Sunday paper. More than anything else --even the old men at the fair handing out "I'm proud of my Confederate heritage" stickers--the announcements are a reminder to me that I am, without question, living in the south.

Let me explain to you how they do this in five concise points.

1. The photos are of the brides only. Apparently the grooms don't matter.

2. All of the brides' middles names appear to be their mothers' maiden names. 

3. The brides are all wearing pearls. No matter what their dress looks like, no matter how they wear their hair, no matter whether it's a fancy or a slightly-less-fancy event (I don't think Southern weddings are ever casual), the brides are wearing pearls.

4. The announcements are at least eight paragraphs long and list every single member of the wedding party. They also announce how many showers were held and who threw them, where the bridal luncheon was held, and who hosted the bachelor/bachelorette parties. Of course, they also mention who everyone wore.

5. They contain sentences like this: "The bride was presented at the 2005 Terpsichorean Debutante Ball."