To-Do: Nothing

Jeff and I had nothing to do this weekend. It was awesome. It has been forever since both of us were at home with no obligations. I took full advantage and gave myself permission to relax. I didn't get out my planner at all and look at the huge list of things to do that I always seem to have over my head.

I have to admit that the last few weeks I've been a bit overwhelmed. Jeff's been out of town or extra busy working long hours in the lab, so I feel like I've had to handle a bit more of the household things than usual, and on top of that, we've had a bit more household excitement than usual with the installation of new windows and window coverings. I've been taking a class at the Writer's Center, which eats up my Thursday nights (7:30 to 10 p.m.) and involves outside assignments. I've been querying and writing, which although fun has become a bit stressful recently in that I feel like I'm always working, either at the full-time job or at home on the freelance stuff. I've been planning our big trip and working on our blog (new site coming soon...maybe tonight). I've been running and trying to work out. I've been pushing away thoughts of Christmas and all the related gift shopping and listmaking and card writing and cookie baking. I've been attending conferences and weddings. And I've been working that regular, everyday 8:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. job.

I must say that this past week all that activity started to get to me, and I found myself a little grumpy. (I don't think the cold and dark are helping either.) As I walked to the Metro one morning, the children's book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" popped into my head. That pretty much summed up my mood.

I have a tendency to be hard on myself. I always feel like I should be doing something productive. Just the other night, I was actually thinking to myself that I should find somewhere to volunteer. (Did I mention in my to do list that I also already do volunteer editing for the Holocaust Museum?) Obviously, at this point, that's not a good idea, and I recognize that, but I still can't help thinking it.

And you know what doesn't help? Things like the Smithsonian Magazine Young Innovator's Issue featuring 37 people under age 36 making big noise in the arts and sciences. Or the National Book Foundations "5 Under 35" fiction awards. Reading about these people only makes me feel like I should be doing more, achieving more. It leaves me thinking, why isn't that me? Is it because I'm not talented enough or smart enough or work hard enough? It's stupid, I know. I don't need you to tell me that. And I'm not fishing for compliments here. I'm just revealing how I think, as messed up as it is.

But this weekend, I gave myself permission to relax...without guilt, which is the key. There are plenty of times I've sat down to watch a TV program but not enjoyed one minute of it because the whole time I was thinking that I should be doing something else. Seriously, relaxing is not my forte. But I succeeded this weekend. On Friday, I read, from start to finish, "A Thousand Splendid Suns." (Highly recommended. I didn't intend to read it all in one day but I could not stop. And just as an aside, Khaled Hosseini's first book wasn't published until he was 38, so take that all you Under 35s.) On Saturday, Jeff and I played Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii (I admit I was skeptical, but it was very enjoyable, and Jeff had a great time laughing at me), and we also played a couple of rounds of Hoopla. Today, I made some spiced nuts, caught up on Grey's Anatomy, watched some football, and went out with Jeff for sushi. It was fun.


(But, okay, I admit it, I couldn't just do fun things. I also dusted and ran the vacuum, did 5 loads of laundry, picked up needed items from Target, and went to the stores to check out a few items for our Christmas list. Oh well, it's as close as I think I'll ever get to a purely relaxing weekend. It's just the way I am.)