At the end of October, Jeff attended a conference for grad students in Stockholm. One of the sessions he attended was about career development, and he came home to tell me that one of the tips from the presenter was to marry another scientist.
Well, guess what, too late. We're already married. I'm not a scientist and I don't plan to convert to being one.
The presenter's reasoning was that only another scientist could truly understand you and the demands of your work. I call bullshit. Sure, I don't always understand the intricacies of what Jeff does. I know he works with proteins and his current focus is Parkinson's disease. I can't tell you all the little details. But I can understand hard work. I can understand the need to put in long hours to get where you want to be. I can maybe not like it so much when he has to go in to the lab on the weekends (he's there right now), but I can understand that it's what he needs to do.
I think Mr. Presenter maybe had a bit of a ego problem, a feeling that science is more important than other fields, bigger, better, more demanding. Does he think it's easy to be a baseball player, a novelist, or an architect? The truth is, in my opinion, that if you want to be good at what you do, if you want to be one of the best at what you do, regardless of what that is, you have to work long and hard. You don't have to be in the science field to understand that. You just have to be someone with passion, someone who also wants to be succeed, someone who understands hard work, commitment, and dedication.
Can you imagine what the world would be like if scientists only married scientists, engineers only engineers, writers only writers, accountants only accountants? Eek, I quiver thinking about what those dinner conversations must be like.
"Oh, honey, you should have seen me at work today. Nobody handles a pipette like I do."
"That's what I love about you, you know. There's nothing hotter than a man in a lab coat and goggles."
"Well you're not half-bad yourself. I wish I could transfer cells as well as you do. Now how do you keep your medium so healthy?"
(Yes, trust me, that is what two scientists sound like when they are together.)
So, anyhow, Jeff and I have very different careers. He couldn't do mine, and I couldn't do his. But we have many common interests, which carry the conversation through dinner. We have other things to talk about besides DJ1 or Color Field painting. But you know what, we also can talk about those things. Because while I'm no expert on science, and he's no expert on writing, editing, or art, we are interested in each other and what each other does.
And because of our differences, I think that we might just actually be more knowledgeable people. If it weren't for me, Jeff wouldn't be reading the New Yorker or going to see plays or attending art openings. And if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have the first clue about cell culture, I'd be much less likely to stay up late watching baseball, and I'd definitely never have been to a party celebrating PINK1.
8 comments:
Yeah, its not like anybody at my office ever works past 5 or on the weekend. Nope never. Architects are lazy. Or wait, do I mean always instead of never?
I've got my writing instructor cap on right now (I shouldn't grade papers with my laptop right next to me), so here's my teacher response.
T, I don't think you make it clear exactly what the presenter said. You develop a strong argument against this poor fellow, but I'm not clear what you are responding to. I say this because I think there are mutiple ways in which to read the statement: "only another scientist would truly understand you and the demands of your work."
On on hand, I understand the way you "read" the statement and your reaction to it. On the other hand, if you read the statment in a pragmatic fashion, you can arrive at a completely different reading.
I don't think you have to read his argument such that he thinks science is more important than the other fields. In a more pragmatic sense, it might just be easier in terms of career development to be married to another scientist. Thats'all, nothing more.
As for professors, the exact opposite is true. Unless you are a big enough name to force a university to find/create a position for your spouse, being in a 2 professor marriage is nearly impossible.
It's not about marrying or not marrying someone in your field. Especially for us young scholars/professionals, it's about making marriage work in a 21st century professional environment. The dinner conversation last night between Amanda, I, and a married couple(her = doctor, him = internatioanl business in germany), was very much on this topic.
I think the presenter was in love with another scientist and she dumped him and this is his way of trying to prove his theorem.
It's so funny to me to hear anyone saying MEN need to marry other scientists. I've been hearing for years that because I'll be a highly educated woman (when I finally finish this @$#$ing degree), I need to marry a highly educated man (if I can score a man at all). The reasons have varied from "you'll intimidate any man not in academics" to "men without advanced degrees don't have the ability to conduct themselves properly at social gatherings." One professor actually used Richard (my blue collar business-owning boyfriend) as an example because he couldn't hold his knife properly!
Even if you don't marry a non-scientists or non-PhD, I think it's definitely important to keep some as friends. Without them, who would be around to help you pull your educated head out of your educated ass??
Perhaps that presenter was in an unhappy marriage with a non-scientist? I think it all depends on the individual... I don't think I'd want to be married to someone who did the same thing I did. I get enough work-talk at work. On the other hand, it is nice that Boris and I are both in the military, because there are some things that are just easier for us to understand about each other's lives. You're right though, you don't need someone who does the same thing that you do in order to understand the demands of your job--you just need someone who's understanding.
Who would want to marry an architect anyway. They are dry and humorless... I could not stand living a life with someone in the same profession. You must love you work and love your companion, they do not need to be necessarily related. Ange, Richard is highly educated, and owns the business, i don't think he is a blue collar worker, but point taken, we all know where he graduated from. A state school in Kentucky. Haha.
My bet is-the guy isn't married!
By "blue collar business-owning" I meant that he OWNS a blue collar business, not that he is blue collar. (I spent a lot of time thinking about how to punctuate that to make it clear...guess I failed.) But that's exactly my point, Mitchell, that having a college degree and owning a business isn't enough for these people. It's PhD or bust.
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