I'm feeling very down on my job lately. It's just not very fulfilling. I get up every day and go to work, where I spend most of my time just wasting it. More often than not, I'm the only one in my office, and even if the two or three other people who work here are here, I don't really interact with them that much. We all sit in our offices and do our own thing. Sometimes I do work, and I usually find some sense of accomplishment in that, but honestly I could get it all done in just a day or two each week instead of the five I spend here.
I feel like I should like my job. I like what the organization as a whole is trying to do. I like the people who work for the organization. But I don't feel like I'm actually doing anything worthwhile. I feel like I'm being under-utilized. Even though this job is different than the one I had last year, it's not really. It's still me and a computer in an office alone most of the time. And I don't think that's the kind of job for me. I think I need something more fast-paced, more people-oriented, more hands-on.
But what do I do about that? I only plan to be in this area another 2.5 years at the most. Is it worth it to go look for something else that I might not like anyways? Should I just stick it out here, because it's a sure thing? The salary isn't that great (it's okay), but they're already talking promotion. The benefits are okay. The commute's not bad. I get off the week between Christmas and New Year's. The people are nice. There's no guarantee that I'll find anything better. I just don't really like any of the options honestly. And Jeff might be right in saying that I'm pretty much not going to be happy with any job I'm going to find at this point.
What I think I want to do is go back to school and eventually become a professor. I think that is the job that matches the highest number of my desires: flexible schedule, hands-on, challenging, people-oriented, intellectually-stimulating, okay pay and benefits, flexible on location. But I can't do that until Jeff is done, so I have to make it through another few years. And I'm not sure the best way to do that. If I was getting paid a lot, I could say that I'm saving up for the future. If I was working in a field that I'd want to go into in graduate school, I could say I'm gaining experience. But none of that is true, so right now, I just feel like I'm buying time, and that's certainly not very motivating.
I think I must have SAD. Everything seems worse in winter.
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