Holidays, Marriage, and Compromise (But Not This Year!)

As you get older, you take on more roles, but rarely do you lose any. No matter what else you become - spouse, friend, co-worker - you still remain what you were - child, sibling. No matter how old you become, you always remain someone's child. It's a tricky act juggling all the roles that life throws at you. Marriage makes it even trickier, because with marriage comes compromise and a shuffling of priorities. While you can't neglect the needs of your other family, your spouse and your relationship with him/her has to become the top priority. You can't just do what you want or what your family wants. You can't have all the holidays.

The idea of sharing holidays has always been terrifying to me. I'm a traditionalist, especially when it comes to holidays. I like things to be the way they always have been. Unfortunately nothing ever stays exactly the same. The fortunate thing is that Thanksgiving was sacrificed to me long before I got married. Rice's schedule made it hard to get home for Thanksgiving, so only once in my four years at Rice did I make it. Living abroad twice rendered Thanksgiving somewhat irrelevant, since we had to push to put together anything even remotely resembling the holiday. So upon getting married, I was willing to give up Thanksgiving. Jeff and his family could have it. Christmas wasn't even up for negotiation, however. That was mine to be spent as I saw fit...which of course meant going to Louisville and re-living all the traditions I associate with the holiday.

This year, I'm lucky. I get both holidays. Unfortunately, the reason I get Thanksgiving is because Jeff is in Sweden and will miss it, which sucks, but I'm looking on the bright side here. Since I have a stranglehold on Christmas, there was no trading. And although Jeff's family is nice and all, I'm not really going to head all the way across the country to celebrate with them without Jeff. So the end result is I get both holidays.

And while I miss Jeff a lot and wish he were here, there's a part of me that's a little bit happy that I get to go celebrate Thanksgiving with my family by myself. Because I live some distance from my family, going to see them is an event, and it almost always involves both Jeff and I. I never get the opportunity to just stop by and see my parents and brothers. I'm always with Jeff and with my family. And sometimes that's tricky. So as silly as it is, and as much as I love having Jeff around, I'm kind of looking forward to just being home with the family and having the only roles I have to worry about be child and sister.