Put A Hole In My Head, Dear Liza, Dear Liza

Yeah, you know the song I’m referencing. Slightly different words, but after getting to hear it over and over for one class period and after spending an entire day at the elementary school, these words more accurately reflect my thoughts. I’m pretty sure that anyone who teaches elementary school kids could probably be certified. One day a week there and I think I might go insane. It probably doesn’t help that I have to ride the bus with them both to and from school.

The buses themselves are interesting. To begin with, the kids take tour buses to school. No plastic vinyl seats with holes torn in them for stuffing spitwads and other such valuables. No tricky windows that are almost impossible to open. No emergency exit door at the back. These kids get cloth seats, window shades, seat belts even! And they also get a bus matron. I have no idea what else to call her. She is a woman who rides in the front seat of the bus, tells the driver where to go, keeps track of what time it is when the bus arrives at each stop, and marks off the kids as they get on and off the bus. She also rises regularly to yell at the children in an unbearably high-pitched shriek and then to react melodramatically to every little thing they do. For some reason, people here haven’t caught on to the fact that yelling without any follow-up action does not intimidate anyone into behaving. I, personally, am much more annoyed at 7:45 in the morning by the screeching woman than by the rumbling children.

Elementary school is like a cross between a daycare, a zoo, a mental hospital, and a circus. I am not sure what to think of people who choose to spend their lives working in such an environment. Sure, they do important things. Teaching kids to read for instance. Noble. Crucial. But oh dear God. The hand-holding, the repetition, the theatrics, the unadulterated insanity. I’m not sure if these teachers are saints or if they have a few screws missing. If it’s the first one, then I’m definitely not cut out for the role. And if it’s the second one, I just need some more time at the elementary school and I’ll probably be a perfect fit. Apparently my head’s still screwed on too tightly at this point. I’m all for it staying that way.