Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Theresa's Guide to DC

It's spring here in DC, and the tourists are in bloom. It's ridiculous how quickly they've gone from complete dormancy to full bloom. Not that I wasn't aware of it before, but DC is a hot tourist spot, primarily for school groups, old people tour groups, and families. While I understand the attraction of the city and agree that everyone should visit at least once, I find myself a bit fed up with all the tourists. It's a bit difficult to live and work in a city that most of the country views as a vacation spot. So in the spirit of helpfulness, let me offer a few tips that will make life easier for us all.

1. The metro is not a toy. It's a mode of transportation that millions of local people use everyday to get to work and school. Therefore twirling around the poles or not holding on to see if you can maintain balance as the train stops and starts (which you inevitably cannot do) is not a good idea, especially during rush hour. If you really feel the need to do such, try 2pm. Not toomany are on the metro then. Speaking of rush hour, try to avoid it. The trains are crowded enough as it is, and really there's no need to get to the museums that early because they don't open until ten. And definitely do not bring your group of ten, twenty, thirty, or even more onto the metro at rush hour. There is no way you will all be able to stay together. Also, do not step off of the metro and then stop to get oriented. Walk away from the doors, move out of the way, and then orient yourself for however long you want. On the same note, don't stop right when you step onto the metro. Move down the aisle. The people behind you would also like to get on the train. Finally, yes, I know the metro may be new to you, but surely you have seen an escalator before. Use it the way you would any escalator, meaning please stand to the right, allowing those wishing to walk to pass safely on the left.

2. The sidewalks in DC are generally large. That is so they can hold a large amount of traffic, not so you can spread out across the entire thing and then crawl at a snail's pace. Seriously, when is the last time you walked with your family spread out in one big line? You don't do it at home, so why do it here? Some of us are actually trying to get somewhere. I prefer to have the walk from the metro to work take about five minutes, not fifteen, and yes, as spectacular as it is, I don't need to stop and gaze at the Washington monument every day. And if you do decide to stop suddenly and snap a picture and I'm walking right behind you, it makes it difficult for me to stop without running into you...or your million kids who are spread all the way across the sidewalk.

3. There's a lot to see in DC. It wouldn't hurt to do a little research before you set off. For instance, it might be good to look up some info on the Holocaust Museum and realize that we have a timed-ticket admission procedure and only offer a limited number of tickets each day. This means that if you arrive in the afternoon during tourist season there's a good chance we'll be out of tickets. And despite what you may believe, I, nor anyone else at the museum, can make anymore tickets appear, even if you traveled all the way from the moon just to go to the Holocaust Museum. And seriously, if you'd come all the way to DC just to go the Holocaust Museum, I think you would have done your research and gotten to the museum in time to get tickets.

Okay, I'll go ahead and leave it at that for now. Really, I don't want to have to harm you, and I'd love for you to enjoy your trip, just please don't make my life difficult. Thanks in advance.

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