In Case It's Not Who You Were Expecting on the Other End Of The Phone Line...

…and is in fact, instead, a person calling in a bomb threat, don’t worry. I’m telling you now what to do. First, a few tips.
1. Be polite and show interest. (Sir/Ma’am might be appropriate here.)Let the caller speak and listen carefully.
2. Never hang up on the caller. (Your friends and family don’t like it. Why do you think a person with a bomb would like it?) Do not disconnect the line after the call.
3. Establish a relationship by using “I” and “You” in the same sentence. (This, for example, doesn’t work: “I am listening. You are a freak.” First, that’s two separate sentences. Second, name-calling never gets you far.)
4. Write down the EXACT WORDING of the threat. (What? You were too freaked out to remember? Weenie!)

And now that you’re having a polite conversation with Mr/s Bomb Threat, here are some questions to ask. Be sure to have a place to write the answers.
1. When is the bomb going to explode?
2. Where is the bomb?
3. What does it look like?
4. What kind of bomb is it?
5. What will cause it to explode?
6. Did you place the bomb?
7. Why did you place the bomb?
8. What is your name?
9. What is your address?
10. Now, if you get all these answers, ask yourself, why am I not working as a negotiator for a bomb squad? Obviously, I am a genius at this.

But you’re not done yet. There are other things you should take note of while talking. You need to pay attention to the caller’s voice/language and background noises. It might help to have a list available where you can circle the appropriate words. Examples of things to listen for: Laughter, Crying, Stupid Speech, Lisps, Raspy Voices, Congestion, Deep Breathing, Cracking Voices, Squeaky Voices, Taped Voices, Patronizing Speech, Wind, Animal Noises, PA Systems, Traffic, Machinery, Factory Noises, etc.

Got it? Are you ready? I am. If you’re wondering where I got all of this from, it’s from the Staff Emergency Procedures Flip Chart next to my telephone. I have a handy-dandy “Telephone Bomb-Threat Checklist” right at my fingertips. It even provides lines to answer each of the questions and lists with room for circling of any words that describe the caller’s voice and the background noises. Jealous, aren’t you?